A Place Called Home

I have lived in the same place for over two years now and I have to say I've grown pretty comfortable with it. I had almost nothing when I moved into this one bedroom apartment, and it seemed so huge then. Now, the stuff I have accumulated over the years has filled out the space nicely, and it really does feel like home. At times I have said that my apartment is like one big bedrooom simply because I have felt so comfortable here. The view from the third story overlooks a greenway with lush trees on the hills. At night I have a clear angle on the stars, and during the day I can watch any weather pattern as it approaches. Both inside and out, my little home suits me well, and I have been very happy here for the longest period of time since I moved out of my childhood home.

In my kitchen, I have a plaque that says "It's a funny thing about life: if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it." Considering that I have begun to wonder and dream about another place of my own. About a place I could own and truely call mine. A real home, with walls and hallways, and perhaps a flight of stairs; a bathroom for guests and one just for me. A place with my own driveway, a garage, and a washer and dryer. It is a wonderful vision and I would say it is the best I could ask for at this point in my life.

As I pondered my new place, I realized that I really had no pressing need for it. There is nothing about my apartment that I cannot stand, and the complaints I have had are really minor compared to the benefits I recieve from being here. I can easily afford it, its in a great location, my neighbors are quiet, and I even have a pretty good parking spot. You could say I love it here. So it is interesting to me that I should be dreaming of something more simply because I want to. There is no other reason, other than that I desire the best for myself, that I am feeling the need to expand my horizons.

This contrast of need verses want reminds me of another time in my life that I had a similar experience. I was engaged to be married to a man whom I got along with very well. We could talk, laugh, love, and we'd seen a lot together - good and bad. Our relationship was comfortable, but I wanted more. It wasn't necessarily that anything was wrong with us, it was only that I had a desire for the best and after searching my heart for what that meant to me, I knew he was not it. I broke off the engagement and in my mind it was a commitment to myself to keep dreaming, keep asking for the best in my life. I have never doubted that decision and I can say it was one of the best I've made. Now I'm facing another opportunity to make that commitment.

In a way, it is almost more meaningful that I should be searching for more, asking for more, even though I have no pressing need for it. More than just surviving, I am attempting to experience life to the fullest of my capacity. Because I don't need it and merely want it, my attempt to gain what it is I seek is an affirmation that I can get what I want from life. That my happiness is as important as my physical survival, and maybe more so. And it truly is an enhancement of my life, for what could be better than going from something I love to something I love even more? Rather than experiencing the feelings of fear that accompanies a need, I can enjoy the process of getting there.

Could it be that this is the way we were meant to live? A never ending expanding of possiblities for love and joy in our lives? Moving from place to place for the sole purpose of increasing the amount of happiness we shared with ourselves and others? It certainly may be, for even science shows us that the happy person is the healthy person.

As for myself it is an exciting journey, one that I feel confident I can take pleasure in. Not only is the vision of my own home inspiring, but it has allowed me to focus and reflect on the place I am living at now. To appreciate all it has given me, and how it has served my needs and preferences. Because I know it is time to move on, I am able to see how much I have enjoyed the place I call home, and then to release it once more.