A Toast to Love

The Third Body
By Robert Bly

A man and a woman sit near each other, and they
do not long
At this moment to be older, or younger, or born
In any other nation, or any other time, or any other
place.
They are content to be where they are, talking or
not talking.
Their breaths together feed someone whom we do
not know.
The man sees the way his fingers move;
He sees her hands close around a book she hands
to him.
They obey a third body that they share in common.
They have promised to love that body.
Age may come; parting may come; death will come!
A man and a woman sit near each other;
As they breathe they feed someone we do not know,
Someone we know of, whom we have never seen.


My very best friend Jessica recently got engaged and it is to her that I dedicate this poem. After dating for three years and going through the highs and lows that a period of time will do to any relationship, her boyfriend, Keith, proposed on the kitchen floor of their shared apartment. A year ago she might have expected it, and indeed she did - we talked about when and where and how it might happen. That was a high point. More recently Jessica has plumbed the depths of the low points. I would have worried if this seemed to be a quick fix to a failing relationship, but its not. Both of them have pulled through for each other and the "third body" had already stabilized when the engagement commenced. That's why I'm so incredibly happy for her.

The commitment to suffer with another can sometimes be the bread that creates the body of a relationship. I'll be honest, I encouraged her to leave him. The way I saw it, he was bringing her down and she's still so young and has so much life left to live. I told her she didn't have to do this work; she didn't have to suffer with him. She could cut her losses and be free to make her life what she wanted. The funny thing is, she did just that, only not the way I expected. She wanted him and cut out the freedom of the single. She wanted to offer her life to the life of the other - and not only him, but the someone who lives with them that none of us will ever see.

And that's why I dedicate this love poem to them. To wish them the kind of contented happiness of which it speaks. I also offer it as a kind of thanks; in appreciation for showing me another way to love. And in celebration for their victory in its name; to lift a glass to the awesome power of love and the joy that they have found within it. Although they were threatened they held onto their love - perhaps only just a strand of it, but it was there - and found a greater strength after the storm had passed.